Do you want the KEYS to lasting change?
The change I am referring to is our mindset and keep reading if you answered, “Yes”. Limiting beliefs are the result of mental frameworks that no longer serve us. When we hold onto these mental barriers it hinders our own growth and limits our potential and ability to lead effectively.
When we are vulnerable enough to embrace a growth mindset and challenge our own limiting beliefs it creates a culture that encourages experimentation, learning and taking calculated risks. This is good for us, our families, our teams and the organisations we work in.
The question is HOW? Because it ain’t easy… and we often go about it the wrong way. Many people try self-discipline and talking themselves out of limiting beliefs at a purely rational level, this simply makes the change more resistant. So… let’s take a look at what does work and…
This is where the KE³YS framework comes in… It can support you to identify and overcome limiting beliefs. In essence, it’s a structured way (with scientific research supporting its effectiveness) to deal with our often messy complex feelings, thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. You can work through these Key Steps on your own and it is okay if you need the support of an experienced coaching — I have many of my own coaches that support me to be at my best. When someone else holds up the mirror and walks with on our journey, it helps us see things clearer and go where we might never have gone alone…
- Know it. You need to recognise the belief and honour its positive intent. We usually hang onto the belief for dear life, and are afraid to let go, because of what we perceive the consequences to be. For example, for the longest time I believed that I could not speak in public. This belief was protecting me from the pain that I would experience if I were to mess up in public and feel like a fool. If you think there is no positive intent, think again. There is always a perceived pay-off. Finding what that is, is a critical step. Getting to the core of limiting beliefs must be done thoroughly as there is often a whole tangle of them that need to be unwound and examined with deep curiosity. Sometimes it can take multiple coaching sessions just to complete this first step.
- Educate, empower and expand your thinking. Remember that trying to talk yourself out of a belief rationally usually doesn’t work. Instead, look for evidence that contradicts it. In this framework, educate refers to going back into your past, empower refers to doing something small in the future to gather new evidence to weaken the beliefs hold over you and expand is to look for wider evidence in others, in articles and so on to disconfirm the belief.
For me, educating happened when I realised that I gave my school friends extra maths lessons and regularly played “school-school” with my younger sister. Essentially, I had presented many times. In fact, I loved presenting and teaching so much that I even did it in the holidays! So, it wasn’t true that I couldn’t speak in public. I then decided to empower myself by speaking about topics in which I was an expert to small group. I practised the skill of speaking in public and adjusted my body language to help increase my confidence. As soon as I practised these empowering new habits, I realised that I was able to speak in public after all and the nerves did not consume me. I also started expanding my perspective by looking for examples of other introverts that had become powerful public speakers — there are many! Over time — and it did take time — I was able to step into ‘Y’ and, as they say, the rest is history. - Yes, to the new belief. If you do step 1 and 2 well enough, then step 3 will happen automatically. This step is about arriving at a place where you have really transformed your thinking and beliefs. We change our beliefs far more easily when we displace them with a new — more empowering belief — instead of trying to rationalise them away. It is important to put the new belief into words and continue to entrench it with the next step….
- Support to sustain the change. The KE³YS journey does not end with the ‘Y’. It requires ongoing reflection, self-awareness and support to sustain significant changes. If recent years have taught us anything, it is that just when we believe we have made progress, a new challenge or trigger might emerge. The long hours and lack of work-life balance that many experienced during the COVID-19 lockdown is a case in point. Fuelled by fear, lack of job security and global turmoil, many fell back into limiting beliefs that they had to work excessively hard to succeed. In the long term, this proved to be unsustainable. Support can be equated to weeding the garden of your mind through continuously pruning, planting and tidying, while carefully putting support stakes in place that allow positive change to get the rain and sunlight needed to thrive.
It is that simple and you now have the KE³YS. Know that simple does not mean easy. So, just take one step at a time and work on challenging and changing your thinking. Know that you are not alone… I’d be excited and privileged to support you on your journey (and work with your team to deep dive into this together). Know that you can take Key Steps to…‘be the difference that makes the difference.’
Namaste
Sharon
